Hmmmn! You had TIME while asking her out or saying yes to him, but to keep him/her you are now BUSY, there is ……oh!
“YOU CAN NEVER HAVE TIME FOR WHAT YOU DON’T MAKE OUT TIME FOR”
You are welcome to yet another edition of LOVE & YOU
We are looking at the part 5 of
Understand her LOVE Language .
We shall be focusing on the topic:
Quality time is giving someone your undivided attention.
For some partners, quality time is their primary love language, and if you don’t give them quality time, they will not feel loved.
You may think quality time is all about spending A LOT o f time together or going out and doing a lot of things together. Maybe that sounds exhausting or expensive. Loving a partner whose love language is quality time actually has very little to do with the amount of time you spend together and but has so much to do with HOW you spend the time you do have together.
#How do you know QUALITY TIME is his /her love language?
Quality time is a powerful emotional communicator of love. One medicine does not cure all diseases. Just as one love language does not communicate emotionally to all people. If you give your partner affirming words; if you express love by acts of service; if you touch them affectionately; and they still complain: “you are always too busy or too tired, you don’t ever have time for me” they are telling you that their primary love language is QUALITY TIME.
The #Essence of Quality Time
A central aspect of quality time is togetherness. I do not mean proximity (distance). Togetherness has to do with focused attention. A guy talking to his partner and punching phone is not giving her quality time or a lady talking with her partner on the phone and still doing another thing is not giving him a quality time, because he/she does not have his/her full attention.
#Dialects of Quality Time
Like words of affirmation, the language of quality time also has many dialects. One of the most common dialects is that of #quality_conversation . By quality conversation, I mean sympathetic dialogue where two people are sharing their experiences, their thoughts, their feelings, and their desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context. If your partner’s primary love languages is quality time, such dialogue is crucial to his or her emotional sense of being loved.
Five Keys to Loving a Quality
Time Love Language partner
1. Give them your UNDIVIDED attention
Put the phone down! Nothing says ‘I love you’ like full undivided attention.
YES! For quality timers, undivided attention is the name of the game, don’t talk to them while you are focused on something else, it will drive them bonkers. Not while you’re watching something, not while you’re Facebooking, not while you’re gaming. If you are in the middle of something and they want to talk, it is better to say, “Just a sec, I’m almost done,” and then give them your full attention when you talk rather than trying to have a conversation while you are distracted.
2. Maintain eye contact .
Maintaining eye contact tells your spouse that you have their full attention and will make them feel loved and understood. Quality conversation with sustained eye contact can be the key to his/her heart. Also listen for feelings. Ask yourself, “What emotion is he/she experiencing?”
3. If you don ’t have much time, make the most out of the time you do have.
Even if it is only 10 minutes a day- make those 10 minutes count! Focus on each other. Talk, connect, express love etc. Just make it intentional and focused. Ten minutes of pure connection will yield much better results in way of connecting than two hours of being together without focused attention on each other
4. Actively listen without interrupting .
A quick reminder on how to actively listen with the F.L.A.P. method: Focus, Lean, Affirm
(Paraphrase) and Probe (ask thoughtful questions).
Active listening is one of the most loving things you can do for your partner regardless of their love language, but unfortunately it’s not intuitive. Most of us go to stating our opinion, jumping to conclusions and interrupting. In short, we think of ourselves and our thoughts, words and opinions more than we think of our partners when we’re talking to them. This takes conscious effort to reverse, and there is no better time than the present to start practicing!
Perhaps the quickest mind trick is to actively try putting yourself in their shoes- try to see the world how they see it and feel the things they feel- while your partner is talking to you. Interrupting is like nails on a chalkboard for someone whose love language is quality time. It makes them feel unheard and uncared for.
5. Offer sympathy ,not advice.
“We are often trained to analyze problems and create solutions. We forget that marriage is a relationship, not a project to be completed or a problem to solve. A relationship calls for sympathetic listening with a view to understanding the other person’s thoughts, feelings and desires. We must be willing to give advice but only when it is requested and never in a condescending manner.” – Gary Chapman
We just want to talk to be heard and understood NOT evaluated and instructed. Most times we ask: “Wait, do you want advice on this?” And that is a great question because most of the time the other one says no.
If you are in a relationship with someone whose love language is quality time- make the most of the time you have together, make eye contact, put the phone down and actively listen while he/she is talking. And if he/she wants your opinion, he/she will motion or ask for it.
JUST LISTEN , BE WITH HIM/
HER AND BE IN HIM/HER
This is LOVE & YOU on
Treasure Network with
Ocheh Emmanuel .
See you same time, next week.
We would love to hear from you as you share your opinions or reach us through